another judgement on breastfeeding

Everytime I told doctors or friends that I had insufficient milk produce, they didn't believe it. They said I did not try enough.

I tried to breastfeed my baby. The first one was failed. She couldn't get exclusively breastfed but she managed to get my breastmilk upto she was 7 months.

My second baby now is 6 weeks old. I pumped every 3 hours and got 70-90 ml which I treated it as gold liquid. I envy a friend who told me she produced 150ml in 2 hours. She has the same latch problem but no probs in producing milk.

Yesterday i went to pediatrician  taking my baby. When asked about breastfeeding, the doctor was disappointed with my decision to give formula to my son. She said every mother can breastfeed.

It broke my heart.

I told her all the effort i took. All those supplements, vegetables,  soup, domperidone.. She didn't know what I've been through. She said I was trauma with my first baby and my mindset kept telling me I'm unable to produce milk.

Let me say you one thing. I'm smarter than I was three years ago. By the time my second was born and I found my breastmilk only produced drops and my son jaundiced... I realized the reality and I accept that. But it didnt keep me from quitting giving him breastmilk. I pumped and pumped and pumped. Tired? Yes. I give formula to him. Guilt? Less guilt than three years ago.

I just want my baby to be healthy and if i can have  him sleep peacefully, why not giving him the formula? It's not an easy thing for me, but for him to grow well, I have to decide. And I know, breastmilk is still the best.

Last, please dont misjudge any mother like me who cant exclusively breastfeed. We want it, we try, we keep trying and wont quitting. If you're in my position, you wont be that easy judging me like that.


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